You don't need another shiny goal, clear plan, nor new to do list
(I'll tell you what you do need)
I am back from a very intentional pause from recording the podcast, something that in the past I would never have been able to do.
I would either have pushed through to get it done, most likely at the detriment of my well being, or I would have just labeled myself as a failure and deemed myself incapable of being able to see anything through - Because we are also taught that consistency is about doing something in a timely manner.
Today I want to talk to you about trust, not only because I’ve recently opened the doors to my new programme 30 Days To Trust, but because not trusting yourself is one of the strongest forces holding you back from making progress and from believing that you are the woman you have been dreaming of being.
I wasn’t quite sure how to piece together this episode because trust is quite a complex subject, and one which I believe has been taught in such a way that we have misunderstood what trusting is.
For years I diagnosed myself with chronic self doubt, I believed that I was incapable, that I was not enough, that what I created was not enough, and that whatever I did would never be enough, in turn I also spent years being really unkind to myself, basically telling myself day in day out that I had to be better and more than I was - Thus why I now have such a problem with the term ‘best self’.
I therefore also spent years trying to work out how to be better. I got stuck in that place, and ended up very lost, and I made the mistake of turning to others for direction, and took as many courses and training as I could to understand where I was going wrong.
The thing is on paper, I was doing all the things, the problem was never about my capability, it was that I didn’t trust that that was enough to get me to where I wanted to go.
The relationship I had with myself completely broke down, I was unable to rest, which is why pausing would never having been an option, I rushed through life, had lost my ability to feel present, which further compounded the feelings of dissatisfaction, as I was unable to feel fulfilled by what I already had in my life.
I would then begin to feel pressured by the thing I used to feel passionate about, overwhelm always engulfed me, I would end up feeling lost and unhopeful, then unfortunately always end up in the trap of believing setting another goal, having another plan, a fresh new to do list was the thing that would help me navigate through my dark feelings.
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The false clarity that these tools would bring me, always gave me that hit of adrenaline, and motivation to throw myself back in again, but I would always end up at the same place, feeling like my inner world didn’t match my outer.
I just wanted to be better at being myself - I longed to feel at peace with myself.
Needless to say, through all the pushing I got really burnt out, and life threw in a series of traumatic events that further impacted my health, and my feelings of distrust hit an all time high.
With them came the crippling anxiety.
Now the thing is when you fall into this state, you lose even more of your capacity, in fact what most people are not in touch with is that our capacity changes all the time, depending on our circumstances, however when our capacity lowers we start to feel like we are doing something wrong, that we have made a wrong decision, taken the wrong path, that we are falling behind, that we will never get there.
Now if you take anything away from this episode take this :
Your capacity does not equate to your capability.
Just because at this moment you do not have the physical, mental or emotional capacity to deal with or to do something, does not mean you are incapable of doing it - it does not mean you are incapable of seeing it through.
The problem is when we distrust ourselves, that is what we believe, we believe that we are not enough, that we don’t have what it takes, that we must not be on the right path.
However the real work, THE work is being able to be at peace with the pace at which we pave our path.
When I sit on calls with my clients and I teach them about self trust I often ask them what word brings them more peace, rest or pace.
Every time they say pace.
The thing is we all want to believe that we are just going to get there.
We want to feel sure - I believe that being sure is the opposite state to distrust.
What we are all searching for is reassurance, to have our fears and doubts appeased, validation that we are making the right choices and decisions, we want to know that our precious energy is being focused on the right things, the thing that will move us forward in the direction of our truth.
One of the strongest forms of validation is money - are you yourself craving financial freedom?
The thing is if you don’t trust yourself, if you don’t trust that who you are and what you have to offer the world by being you is enough, you will never know your true worth, and you will never demand your worth.
We have all come across those people who do the same work as us, but have an ounce of the skills we do, yet they seem to be thriving, making progress, reaching their goals - The difference between you and them, they believe in themselves, again it is not about capability is it about trusting that what you have to offer is enough, knowing your worth - they believe that who they are and what they do is enough.
There is something else, I know that you care, you care so much that it hurts, you want to get it right, you want to make change, you want to make a difference whilst you are here, and that is another reason you are going to have to learn to trust yourself, because you are here to forge your own path.
You are not here to tread in someone else’s footsteps, and I know I say this a lot but no one, no one has the power to know the truth of who you are, no one can give you directions to a place that only you know exists.
Learning to trust yourself is what is going to make the difference on your journey back to you.
In 30 Days To Trust we are going to be learning how to reassure ourselves, be on our own side - From now on I want you to wake up everyday and make a conscious decision to either be for yourself or against yourself. Remind yourself whose side you are going to be on.
It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing, they are not going your way, what matters is that day in day out, you are nurturing the relationship with yourself, you are letting yourself know that you are doing enough, that what you have to offer today is enough, even if that is just sitting in the knowledge of knowing your next step - You don’t need to learn anything new, do something more, make another goal, create another plan, make another to do list, see another thing through…
That is what we were taught about trust, that if you keep your word, that is trust, we build trust with ourselves when we give ourselves what we need, when we not only hear our inner voice, but when we act upon it, and we start taking responsibility and doing the hard things for ourselves and our well being.
Today I’m going to leave you with a final prompt, jot this down in your notes app, a notebook, or your notion or trello board for later:
If I’m really honest with myself at the moment I need…
Hi! I’m johanna
I help you unbury yourself from the weight of responsibility and the pressure of expectation, so that you can live life with more ease, presence and more (truth)fully.